if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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