My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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