He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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