We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
