Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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