I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
