i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
