ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
