Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
