could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
