Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
