She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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