bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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