It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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