Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
