I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
