The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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