I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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