So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
