i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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