Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
