she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
