Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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