I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
