Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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