Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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