Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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