Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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