you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
