i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
