He kissed a someone with a penis
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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