I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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