so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize