so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
