my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
