i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
