You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
