Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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