You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize