yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
