Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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