i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
