I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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