you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
