Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
