I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
