my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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