You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
