he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
