I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
