You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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