You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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