If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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