No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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