so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
