I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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