Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
