im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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