Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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