I'm gonna have a badass scar
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
