I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize