so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
