I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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