Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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