she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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