I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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