last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
