You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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