i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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