Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize