Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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