remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
