You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
