Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
