there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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