my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
