Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
