Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
