It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
