No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
