lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
