I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
