if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
