Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
