I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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