thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
