I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
