It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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