i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
