fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
