you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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