I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
