2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize