if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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