never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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