i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
