is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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