we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
