apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
