My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
