I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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