im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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