Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
