you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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