gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
