I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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