He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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