i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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