My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
