Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
