I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
