wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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