gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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