When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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