New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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