tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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