let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My ATM looks so different sober.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
