so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
