I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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