I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
